He Sleeps

I try to be "real" on our blog.  Not everything about our life is sparkly, fun and easy.  We are real, we are normal...we have our ups and downs.  We have days we want to pull our hair out or go hide in the closet to get away and be alone for what we hope will be more than 1 minute before the knock comes and we hear, "Mom, what are you doing in there?  I wanna come in."  We struggle, we cry and we wonder how we are going to make it through, deep down we know we will but some days it seems like we are always asking ourselves..."What Now?  How come?  Why us?"  Even when I feel like things are crashing down or I feel like I don't have one more ounce of energy in me to deal with another argument or someone crying over something ridiculous, somehow I muster up the will power to get through and when the day is over and our children our in bed, there is one thing I realize will never change no matter what and that is that we LOVE our children with all our hearts.

 This is our Parker. Our sleeping Parker.  The boy that never stops.  The boy that never sleeps.  But, here he is passed out on the couch in the loft.  He was busily doing a word search and I guess his big brown eyes couldn't stay open any more and finally our boy fell asleep. 

 Parker and I haven't been seeing eye to eye lately.  I assume it is because we are exactly alike.  Neither of us know when to "stop talking."  We argue, we butt heads and we disagree over everything.  These past few months have been very difficult.  I have been struggling a lot lately.  I don't tell a lot of people things and I don't write a lot of really personal things on this blog, but I should.  Only friends and family see our blog, so I am not ashamed to say I struggle, that I cry, that I pray for strength in raising my children. There is no shame in needing help to raise kids that in my opinion should have come with handbooks.  I feel like I need to write more, I use this blog as my journal in a way and I want our kids to know when they are grown and have their own children that it is okay to show sides of yourself that aren't always sparkly and fun.  Life is hard and frustrating and it is okay to talk about it.

I love Parker. I knew from a very young age that my journey as his mother would be an adventure, a struggle and a learning experience.  Believe me when I say that it has been all 3 of those things and more.  I learn daily from him.  I know I am growing and learning by being his mother.  Through everything that we have been through I just try to continue to hold onto the faith that the Lord knows what he is doing and somehow we will make it through our next obstacle.

When I walked up and saw my little boy sleeping on the couch I was overwhelmed with emotion.  He is still my little boy and he is my responsibility.  I am responsible to make him a wonderful, caring, respectful man.  So, despite everything we are going through now and will probably continue to go through for many years, I am thankful that he is mine and that there are moments like these where I can stand back and look at how perfect he is and I am overwhelmed and so very thankful that the Lord has chosen me to be his mother.  I know I can get through the struggles we will face, I know I am strong enough and I know this because I am not alone to face the trials that are coming my way.